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| For me, there is no guarantee that I am thinking. I have come to realize this. I concluded this when it came time for me to speak with a person, and I didn't find very much in my head. It turns out that I am living a rather secluded life recently. When I am put into social situations as of late, I find myself inept. I haven't been exercising certain muscles recently. I haven't been using the social part of my brain. I also haven't been using the muscle part of my body. I also haven't been using the reflective part of my brain. That is why I am here writing. I have been using the go-playing part of my brain. But even in that, I have not been playing flawlessly.
Anyway, let's just write some thoughts here try and remove the filter and get back to some free writing just to get it on paper and show that I am thinking, a hold on... an exercise if you will. Lindsay is closing, I am bumming at her coffeeshop, I am a bum, I bum until I am old enough to be a professor or something like that. I am not designed to be a young man. I am a boy aspiring to be an old man. There must be one word for old man... uh, geriatric, I think is the word I'm looking for. Yes, I am a boy aspiring to be a geriatric. I never feel life size. I feel like others have matured and I have not. Geriatrics are also small, so this works out for me.
I am blogging, but I don't think I will post this one on Facebook, or maybe not xanga, because I just posted that list the other day and this isn't intended for perusal. Well, doesn't that word look funny when it's all typed out like that? My feet are cold but they are the best covered part of me. Yes, I have thermal socks on and short sleeves on my top half.
I do have social aspirations, but do you know what intimacy is like? Even the word is scary, think how much worse the real thing must be. Intimacy. When you first start talking to a person, you have to look them in the eyes all the time. Later you don't have to look at them much at all. I would rather get to the later part than the first part.
Writing seems to bring out resolutions in me. It becomes a todo list. So here it is. Resolved: Do not feel awkward. Listen to people when they talk so you can respond appropriately. Do something, anything, to avoid getting tired when talking to people. Often I get tired when talking to people. I think that's got to be a symptom of social anxiety disorder. But let's not make it out to be more than it is. I just haven't been interacting socially recently.
Here's one of those things that I heard from someone and I don't remember who and they said it without giving a source either, so keeping that in mind, this is definitely something to use as a guiding star for your life. Here it is: If a man does not own major responsibility by the time he is age twenty-seven, chances are good that he never will. Sounds like a flimsy statement, but it's enough to scare the feces straight into your pants, and then you know damn well you aren't an adult.
OK, I think maybe I have intimated myself a bit here, and it turns out that I have been thinking recently.
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| I'm currently researching for a best of 2008 list. I have about seven albums that I know will be on the list, so I guess I'll try for ten.
Christmas was fantastic. Day after day of relaxing. Now a couple days until New Year's, and then a couple days until the cruise. Good times. Lindsay and I are making motions towards Winfield, nothing substantial yet. But it's gonna happen, oh yes.
I got nice things for Christmas. People love me. But I just like being with Lindsay. We are not being as social yet as I would like, but we've got time. and I'm still not in a music making groove. right now it is a solitary, painstaking process, so I might need to change my methods. It's like real work!
So, um, yeah. I added a movie app and a book app on my facebook. I'm going to get cultured. Read more. Be a better person. Grow more patience. Get more motivation. How does motivation happen...? I think it happens... eh, I have theories.
I wonder if I can make a habit. Making something stick is difficult. It's gotta come from the heart. I'm not gonna give up on this improvement thing. OK that's all the thought I can muster for now. Bye. | | |
| “Wow. Look at Nu-Way. They are rockin’ out. Doin’ business. Beef mush. Ground beef is kind of like beef mush.”
“Agh, that’s disgusting.”
“Ground beef is kind of like sand, except all the pebbles are beef.”
“Stop! Do you want me to throw up?”
“Lindsay, would you like to walk on a beef beach? Feel the beef between your toes.”
“No! Eww, gross!”
***
I am at Mead’s Corner again, waiting for Lindsay and her coworkers to close the store. It looks like Hot Topic DID hire me after all, as I am working there tomorrow. Yessirreebooyee.
I have a couple other potential opportunities. It looks like Lindsay and I are setting our eyes upon Winfield and not so much San Diego. But we are broker than broke, so that gets sad sometimes. I appreciated everyone’s encouragements on my last post, that was nice. I don’t require a repeat performance.
We are good friends with Mojo the cat. We would like to be better friends with Tinuviel the cat. Zanzibar the cat tolerates us. Whoie likes us pretty well. Andromeda the dog likes us a lot, but she forgets her place inside the house. Roscoe the dog is slobbery and loud, but he’s surprisingly easy to ignore.
I have begun playing Go again. I’m trying not to stress out so much this time. I think it will be more enjoyable that way in spite of the lackluster performance.
Today I started reading The Song of Roland after all.
OK, music time. Last time, the verdict was still out on these bands. I will now administer the gavel:
Helios’ Eingya was not memorable, though I just added his latest, Caesura. We will see on that one.
Women is good.
I can’t do Brian Eno’s album.
Honeydrips is down. I didn’t go back to it.
The Black Kids is down. Lindsay’s veto helped.
Here’s what I’ve been listening to lately:
Friendly Fires has some good tracks. Lindsay is hesitant.
Damien Jurado is good, but maybe not exceptional. Sounds like Pedro the Lion. Lindsay gives it a thumbs up.
Jenny Lewis, I couldn’t get through the first thirty seconds of a couple of her songs. Female folksy types don’t always work for us, though some do.
Pram has some good sounds, though it’s a little on the jazz side. We’ll see if it makes it into regular rotation.
Hatchback has my approval. Electronic instrumental type music.
Blockhead is working its way into my good graces, though the dj wicka wicka thing is not in with me lately. but it’s got enough other things going on to win approval.
Neon Neon is hot and cold on me. The obscene tracks were deleted, and the bad taste from those tracks will probably spill over into the rest of the album for me, rendering it unlistenable.
Deerhunter is good, complex, though, especially being two discs, so it may take some digesting. If my stomach is big enough...
Low, I finally got an album other than the Christmas album. We will see on this one.
Amy Millan is another folksy female that I won’t get into.
Phosphorescent is a folksy male that I will give a chance. He might be freaky enough.
Dominique Leone is crazy, and I already know some of his tracks are great. There is promise, as long as I don’t compare him to the horrid Animal Collective, things might go well. I didn’t give the Animal Collective a chance, by the way.
The Notwist’s new album I doubt will disappoint me. I have good expectations.
Anyway, that’s all I’ll say today.
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| Hello blog. I am sitting at the Mead's Corner coffeeshop in Wichita. Lindsay is working here right now. I am cold and hungry and tired. My potential employer is not calling me yet. I forgot my headphones. It is cold, grey, and windy today. Lindsay said that Mom said it was going to snow. I am glad for that. I just finished reading That Hideous Strength, by Clive Lewis. I am looking for the next thing I will read. I have many options, I just have to pick one. I have The Song of Roland with me right now, but I think I want to read something both modern and fictional. I still haven't read those Foer books, maybe I will turn to them. Music listening has been depressing lately, but I have a few hopes on my radar. I would list them, but what do people read this for anyway? It has come to my attention that I don't have any readers, other than maybe my father, so I will list these albums for my own records.
ISAN is good. Plans Drawn in Pencil is the album I'm listening to.
Helios has promise. I need to listen more.
Women has promise. I need to listen more.
Ms. John Soda is good. I recently added a new album by them.
Koushik is good. He has a new album.
Still need to listen to Brian Eno's new album more.
Not sure about The Honeydrips. I'm thinking no overall.
The Black Kids has promise. I need to listen more.
Tomas Jirku is a narrow niche that I can listen to on my own.
Squarepusher has a new album. I probably won't get into it.
Camera Obscura Lindsay likes pretty well. So that's good.
The Radio Dept. has a new ep. It is solid enough.
I finally aquired High Llamas album from last year. It is good.
The Clientele are OK. Probably won't get into them much more.
Santogold is pretty good. But it's not really pushing my buttons.
So I have been listening to a lot of music after all. Maybe I'll have a best of 2008 list after all. Probably not.
That's all for now. I am hoping sometime to hang out with people in Wichita. Oh I guess there is a live music thing tonight. Maybe we'll go to that or maybe we'll go to Winfield. It's kind of depressing right now, not having a job and all. We'll see what happens. Maybe they will call me today.
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